Thursday, October 31, 2013

Boys II Men

My best friend got married a couple of months before I did and when her wedding weekend arrived, amidst the bustle and excitement, she caught hold of me and said, "OMG Mel, I'm gonna be living with a boy!"

We laughed at the momentary panic at the sudden realisation and I told her it was gonna be GREAT! And that she'd finally have someone to take the trash out at night. (We've forgotten this little task quite a number of times when we were living together. Oh the horror!)

I admit, the same thought crossed my mind as my wedding day arrived and all the stories about living with another person sharing the same personal space raced through my mind. Would he leave the toilet seat up? Would he squeeze the toothpaste from the middle instead of the end? Would he hog the blanket? Or *gasp* would his book collection outnumber mine and take over my book shelf??? 

I count myself a pretty self-reliant person, having left home at 18 and living alone for many years after that. I didn't quite know how to let go and let someone else in for a bit. I was unsure of how to allow MY space to become OUR space.

Girls have an ego too you know and it sometimes gets in the way of letting a boy show you he's the man of the house. Marriage isn't a competition to see who's the better fixer or who's got it more together. It isn't about who gets things right and who makes blunders over the simplest of tasks. 

As much as my ego tells me that I'm always right and I can do things all on my own, it takes a much greater strength to sit still and ask my husband to see to things because I know he can do it just as well or even better than I can. 

Sometimes it's good to just sit back and let boys be men because they need to be fixers and doers too. 

Jason's the man who will put air in my tyres although I'm capable of doing it myself. He's the man who scrubs the bathroom floor cause he sees that my wrist still hurts and macho Mel will insists on doing it herself anyway. He's also the man who will delicately piece back a broken porcelain plate even though I think it's shattered beyond repair and we should call it as loss. I've come to realise that Jason's a great fixer. Give him anything that's scratched or broken and he'll try his best to fix it with duct tape, a black sharpie or glue.

The one thing Jason doesn't try to do is fix me. He knows I come with various cracks & dents and a broken part or two. But what he does instead is hold my hand as my maker does the fixing and mending and molding. I think that's a quiet strength that few have, and I find that most remarkable of all.